Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
