I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
