I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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