I look better un-naked...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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