I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
