why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
