I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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