I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
