also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
