I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
