I just pynch a tree in the face
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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