You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
