Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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