All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
