In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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