If that was your dad, he is hot
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
