Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
