Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
