in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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