she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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