it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
