I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
