sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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