the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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