I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We are two peas in an std pod
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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