These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I got inside last night via doggy door
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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