Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
