but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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