I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
