hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
