I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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