i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
