Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
