Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
A+ Viking dick
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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