The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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