we have officially lost it.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
