I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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