Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
