is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
