can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
