My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
