Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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