Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
