Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
