Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
