He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
