I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
