you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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