My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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