I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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