Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
