So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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